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Snowden, Zimmerman Dick Mell and Beer Can Wars!

beercanGood morrow, on this FEEL-GOOD FRIDAY, good friends!  The 193rd in the year of Father Zeus who has blessed us with a fanglorious day; low humidity; mild temps and an inspiring azure blue sky upon which one might wax poetic…even Fat Rats. Yes, we inch…or would it be “day”…along through the remaining 172 of a year which has not been exactly FEEL-GOOD for DaFamRats.

But who wantsta hear that, right?

 

OK, let’s go to “The Wayback Machine” and see what happened on this date in History, shall we? We begin with…

 

1096, in which Peter the Hermit reached Sofia in Hungary. Now I’m just gonna let y’all read and re-read that one as I am

surely-sure that wasn’t intentionally meant so double-entendrically.

 

1908, Milton Berle was born to wonder some 58-years later as J. Russell Finch in Stanley Kramer’s “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World, how Jimmy Durante, Smiler Grogan’s, car, “…just sailed right out there…”, over a cliff on a southern California highway, some 50-years ago.

 

1954, Dwight D. Eisenhower proposed the Interstate Highway system, to be funded by both Da Feds and Da States. Finkin’ Pinko Commie, Socialist, rat!

 

1957, The Surgeon General reports a link between smoking and lung cancer. Didn’t stop me. No sirree, Bob! I’d sit back. Relax and light up a Camel with the rest of them…just not in ’57. I admired cars more, then but a few years later…uh-huh.

1974, G. Gordon Liddy, among others, is convicted of perjury and conspiracy in connection with The Watergate scandal. Liddy took this in stride as his CIA-contacts told him FAUX News was a-coming and eventually he’d be one of their unbiased contributors. Why not? He’s a true American hero.

 

1984, Walter Mondale chooses Geraldine Ferraro as his Vice-Presidential running mate. With no reflection on the latter, the former was a for-real, dud.

 

-KINDA MAKES YA WNNA GO, “HMMMMMMMMMM?”

So, 33rd Ward Alderman, Dick Mell has retired after serving 38-years in our very own, Holy-of-Holies, The Chicago City Council…aka, the pathway to Club Fed. He says, like many, that it’s time to spend more time with the family. Uh-huh. But just like MJ’s “retirement”, there seems to be a tad more to it. Today’s S-T’s front page reports on a lawsuit over that Joliet landfill that Mell’s son-in-law and former Guvster,Rod Blojobovich……currently at a Club Fed…who “blew the whistle on his “alleged” ownership of said landfill, that he, Mell, DID have ownership and bilked his partners out of mucho-milliones-dollars.

 

Like I said. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Or should I say, “Hmmmmmmmm?”

 

-IS IT JUST ME?

I usually watch MSNBC…skipping the real-lefty-looseys…but man,  oh man, I don’t think I’ve heard more biased coverage than theirs of the Zimmerman/Martin trial.

 

Here’s my take and I know this ain’t necessarily “FEEL-GOOD”. Some guy, Zimmerman, who feels he owes it to himself and his neighbors to become part of a Neighborhood Watch. He gets himself a gun…a handgun, ’cause after all, what kind of Neighborhood Watcher would he be without one? Right? He comes upon a black kid, Trayvon Martin and from there on in, nobody really knows but Trayvon, who’s dead, and George…who’s on trial for same.

 

The thing of it is, Florida has that ridiculous, vigilante, “Stand Your Ground” law. AND, they permit concealed carry. (Getting an idea where this is going?) So, Zimmerman does his thing; freely admits doing so to the cops…even Sham Hannity…on TV-even!

Why? Hmmmm. Don’t know. Do know this. Had he NOT been able to have legally carried that 9MM, even if he DID “profile” Trayvon; and even if his motives were racially-motivated, the worst that would have happened probably would have been the fistfight, with one winning and t’other losing…but neither dead of a gunshot wound.

 

Last thing on this. It’s going to the jury today. Until the judge’s ruling, yesterday, that the jury could consider convicting him on a lesser charge, I felt he’d pull an Orenthal James, and walk, as the prosecutor was about as effective as those in Orenthal’s case. Now, he may get convicted but on the lesser-charge.

 

-SPRING CLEANING IN JULY.

MBH has been busy cleaning out closets, much to moi’s chagrin…until yesterday. She dug out a box of moi’s in which I had kept things I’d had on my wall at my former-former-employer. One is a picture of an anti-Iraq rally, the middle of which is a woman who seems to be an aging Hippie. She’s holding a sign which reads thusly: ” WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE BUSH A BLOWJOB SO WE CAN IMPEACH HIM!” No one did. Which begs the question, are we a country of hawks or there wasn’t one woman in the entire country who would “do the deed”? Methinks the latter.

 

-GITMO, et al.

Yeah, I know…not zackly FEELY-GOODY. Patience is a virtue.

So, it’s reported that the CIA allowed Khalid Sheikh Mohammed (KSM) to design a vacuum cleaner while in their custody in Romania, with their reasoning being that they, “…didn’t want him to go nuts…”, and, in the event he ever comes to trial, don’t want him to be able to claim insanity. Kind of a Catch-22. Neat.

 

My take? The guy sucks, so who better to design a vacuum cleaner?

 

On to Gitmo. On the same page…within 5/8ths of an inch from the KSM story is another, outlining how genital searches have been halted at Gitmo. Hmmmm. Genital searches…sucking devices. I report…you go deviate.

 

-HEADLINE: “PLEASE STOP FRYING EGGS ON THE PAVEMENT”

 

It seems so many visitors to Death Valley National Park have been trying to “fry eggs on the pavement” with the extreme heat there…sans frying pans…that the Parks Service has had to ask them to stop as they left, ahem, “gooey messes”.

********************************************************************************************************

 

-THAT LITTLE CUTESIE-BOY FROM UP YONDER IS IN CHITOWN.

Paraphrasing that woman with the “Bush” poster, “Will someone please smack some contusions upside that little turd’s head?” I’d call him a “Mofo” but that’d imply he’s some kind of man…which he is not. Needs a serious over-the-head-wedgie; swirlies for life and you name it.

 

-”IN HEAVEN THERE IS NO BEER. THAT’S WHY WE DRINK IT HERE!”

Am I the only one who’s noticed the latest commercials for our two-biggest macro-breweries, Anheuser-Busch and Miller-Coors?

 

Budweiser, aka, pasturized-horse-piss, is touting its new beer can. Yep. It’s shaped after their “bowtie” on their cans and bottles. Nothing about Bud Lite, aka, hydrated-pasturized-horse piss.

 

But wait! There’s more!

 

Miller Lite is touting ITS new bottle, which I guess looks a tad like a tuxedo. Their ad shows 4-bros around a bar table; a hot-sister of a waitress…on roller-skates, no less…making her way towards them. They keep asking each other if they “seen it”? They say they do! She gets to their table and semi-suggestively shows them the “NEW” bottle.

 

But wait! There’s even morer!

 

Not to be outdone, Coors is testifying as to the larger opening on their cans for a, “better pour”.

 

Not to be outdone, Miller-Lite has their easy venting-can, again, for a “better pour”. Now you youngsters out there have always seen pop-top cans. So, you are excused if you are not aware of what we, the old-farts, did when we hadta use a “church key”. We’d pop two-holes in the “drinking side” of the can and another one or two on t’other to vent it…for a “better pour”. In other words, to make it easier to guzzle, with fewer belches afterwards. Didn’t do nuthin’ fer barfing, though.

 

Back to the original question. Anybody note that in all that, not one brand of those beers says anything about, well, THEIR BEER! It’s all about the vessels! Oh well.

 

-DOES ADAM SANDLER HAVE INCRIMINATING PIX OF SALMA HAYEK?

I only ask as his latest exercise in stoopidity, “Grown Ups 2″, opens today. FYI…it got 1/2-star from Richard Roeper.

 

But really, how does this clown score certified-hottie, Salma Hayek as HIS wife in not one…but TWO flicks? Oh well.

 

“PACIFIC RIM” also opens today. Have seen the previews of this rip-off of “The Transformers” and “Battleship”, each of which at least had some decent looking wimmins to distract from their lack of plot. This looks more like it belongs with KSM or as moi’d say, “It sucks”, as while “Man of Steel” is comic book based, it is not played as such, which is what holds one’s attention…at least if “one” is over 13.

 

Watched “Looper” the other night. Had it DVR’d, just hadn’t gotten round to viewing it. Not for everyone, as it deals with the paradoxes of time-travel, which some don’t like dealing with. Very much enjoyed Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis’ performances as “Joe” and “Old Joe”.

 

-TUBULARY SPEAKING…

 

“The Newsroom” begins it’s 2nd season on HBO, Sunday night. It now seems like Sundays may be our “appointment TV” night as with it and Showtime’s “Ray Donovan”, well let’s just say the plot-levels are a tad higher than that of “Grown Ups 2″.

 

Watched “Jason and the Argonauts” on TCM last night. Man! Compared to t’day’s CGI, it stunk. Taken in context, it was great for 50-years ago. Oh yeah, whoever played Medea…hubba-hubba.

 

Otherwise, other than the general summer-fare and other than besiboll, t’ain’t much to see. Which brings us to>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

AND NOW…SPORT

 

-DaBOHICUBS, NESTER TOM ‘N’ ME.

So, when Matt Garza made his first start coming off the DL, Tom ‘n’ moi were there to see him get effin’ carpet-bomber, 12-3.

 

On Hump Day Night, went to another with Tom, his daughter and son-in-law to watch our other “ace”…or should that be “ass”, Smarj and company get re-carpet-bombed, 13-2. Folks, that’s 25-runs to our 5 in  two games! All’s I can say is, sure am glad that Old Style vendor got the clue that he’d get rid of, at least, three brews…purely by nature…and a nice tip if he’d get near us. Otherwise, it was ralph-city. Here’s the thing. These losses were all on the pitchers. The guys in the field did their jobs; making the plays, as it’s pretty damn hard to catch balls that seem to have been launched off the Battleship Missouri, ya know.

 

That’s the Bad News.

 

The Good News is, they shutout the Cucking Fardinals, aka, the RedTurds, 3-0 last night. Edwin Jackson’s actually looked pretty decent lately. He’d better for $13-million. Let’s hope so as once we get to 8/1/13, we ain’t gonna have much takin’ the bump for  starters afterwards.

 

Back to Hump Night…

ChiTowner, Jeff Garlin was the “guest-conductor” for the 7th-inning stretch. Yes, I know. I said I’ve about had it with that. BUT, at the end of his singing, Garlin yelled out…several times…instead of Harry’s old, “Let’s get some runs”,  “Let’s get 11-runs!” Pretty much told that game’s story.

 

It’s 0-3, Joe Kelly, for DaTurds against, 2-4, Carlos Villanueva in a 3:00 start, today.

 

-ON OTHER NOTEWORTHY ITEMS WITH Dabohicubs.

 

Rick Morrissey has a very insightful column on the passage of the Wrigley Field improvements, read those as a Jumbotron, a sign in right among other things, having been passed by the City Landmarks Council.

 

In another column, the Alderman, who seems to know more about selling pastries at his Anne Sather’s restaurants than baseball, complained about the “lights shining into living rooms” from the new Jumbotron the Cubs will erect in left-field. Memo to Ald. Tunney. Not one of those buildings surrounding the ballpark has a “living room” facing the ballpark. There may be ne which still has apartmnents, not sure. The rest are all “clubs” onwed by the Rooftop Pirates, who contribute heavily to his Ward’s political war chest.

 

Here’s the link: http://www.suntimes.com/sports/21274730-419/morrissey-tunneys-fight-over-wrigley-im-board-with-it.html

 

There also is one from Gordon Wittenmyer on how Nester Brewski’s fave, The Stiff in Left, is fast approaching MLB immortals, Willie Mays and Andre Dawson as being the only non-roided players to have over 400 homers and 300 steals. He currently has 387-homers and 280-steals, with at least 1-1/2 years left on his Cubs contract. Like him or not, 13-homers and 20-steals are NOT out of the question, folks.The roid-boys are Barry Bonds and A-Fraud.

 

Here’s the link: http://www.suntimes.com/sports/baseball/cubs/21275234-573/sorianos-numbers-make-him-worthy-of-consideration-for-cooperstown.html

 

I provide. You decide.

 

-MOVE OVER JOHNNY BENCH! JOSH PHEGLEY’S IN TOWN!

 

As a lifelong sufferer of BOHICUBISM, I well understand the whoopin’, hollerin’ and overall euphoria over White Sox newbie, Josh Phegley. Granted, the kid’s been “Josh The Volcano” in his first 5-games, albeit with a .200 B/A, he has 3-homers, one of which was an El Grande Slammeroso, against the Tiggers in their win yesterday, which gave them the series. That said, they’re still 36-53…not much worse than DaBOHICUBS’ 41-49; better’n DaBrewTurds’ 37-53 but under DaMutts with their 40-48. (Memo, as we have some newbie Nesters, I am including their teams in these comments.) Hafta say, ’tis a whole bunch easier when all our teams suck like a black hole or KSM.

 

Sox are at Philly, tonight; Mutts @ Pittsburgh and BrewTurds host the D’Backs. Looks like we’re all “dogs” t’day. Oh well. What the hell else is new?

 

OK, it’s getting late and have much of not much to do, today. So, adios…Happy Trails…and enjoy your weekends, Nesters!

 

Remember, any day we can look down at a flower; not up at its roots is a good one!

 

FatRats

 

 


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