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Shit Happens

Ideology and Religion Shit List

(close-to-complete) author unknown
•Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not. •Agnostic #2: Did someone shit? •Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
•Atheism: What shit? •Atheism #2: I can’t believe this shit!
•Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.shit-happens
•Capitalism: That’s MY shit.
•Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
•Calvinism: Shit happens because you don’t work.
•Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can’t live without us…
•Christian Science: When shit happens, don’t call a doctor – pray! •Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
-Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
•Commercialism: Let’s package this shit.
•Communism: It’s everybody’s shit.
•Confucianism: Confucius say, “Shit happens.”
•Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
•Creationism: God made all shit.
•Darwinism: This shit was once food.
•Episcopalian: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
•Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit IS.•Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
•Feminism: Men are shit.
•Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!) •Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it’s okay. •Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
•Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
•Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
•Hinduism: This shit has happened before
•Idolism: Let’s bronze this shit.
•Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
•Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
•Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
•Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
•Jehovah’s Witnesses: ‘Knock,’ ‘Knock’ Shit happens. •Jehovah’s Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit? •Jehovah’s Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
•Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
•Lutheran: If shit happens, don’t talk about it.
•Methodist: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
•Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
•Mormonism: God sent us this shit. •Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
•Nihilism: No shit.
•Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
•Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
•Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
•Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
•Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit!
•Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
•Scientology: If shit happens, see “Dianetics”, p.157.
•Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
•Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
•Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
•Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
•Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
•Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
•Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
•Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not. •Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
•Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half of the time.
No Shit.

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