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Let them eat cake! “Joffrey”

Good morrow on this fair and foul successor to one wondrous, weekend’s worth of wonderful, Spring weather. Well, at least in Chi-Town…if you wanna ignore that hailstorm on Saturday. Still, temps in the 70s were welcomed with open windows and furnaces set to their “Off” positions. ‘T’were nice. ‘Twas. It really was. I use the past tense as obviously, the near-constant rain since late yesterday afternoon, which brought a fairly precipitous drop in the aforementioned temps, so much so that we have, ahem, snow, in our forecast. Still, my lawn’s greening up thanks to the rain; warmer weather and an application of Scott’s “Halts” fertilizer.

joffrey-virgin-meme

Did spend some time “wetting a line” with T-Eman, who experienced they joy of sitting in a car during a hail storm. While we defined the sport of “fishing”…as opposed to “catching”…by his taking one bass and me, one crappie…we did enjoy our time. That is until waving six or seven feet of graphite over our heads whilst lightning was moving in, did not appear to be a good idea and put an end to our day. That said, being outside; listening to songbirds; watching waterfowl land and take off of the water was just nice.

 

This may be my one and only post this week as having a new roof installed and time being allotted to Easter preparations…and I just don’t think I should be posting on Good Friday…a day a Vegas comedian opined should maybe be called, “shi**y-effed-up Friday”, as that would be a more apt description than “Good”.

 

Since we’re on religion, a Good Pesa to our Jewish Twackers, which begins tonight. OK, enough preambling. Let’s get with it.

 

WABBIT SEASON

 

We begin, as usual, with a look backwards at what’s happened on this date thanks to historynet.com and historyorb.com on this date in…

 

43BC,   Marc Anthony besieged the forces of Caesarian-assassin, Decimus Junius Brutus in Mutina. Why? Because Brutus was an honorable man.

 

754,    The Pact of Quierzy was signed by Pope Stephen II and Pippin the Korte. Wonder if he knew Scottie? And, what kind of quierzies were they pacting?

 

1434,   The foundation stone of the Cathedral of St. Peter and St. Paul in Nantes was laid, after which they all had a cigarette.

 

1471,   The Earl of Warwick who fought on both sides of the War of the Roses, was killed, at which time both sides declared victory over the traitor.

 

1578,   Philip III, King of Spain…and lucky for him…was born.

 

1671,   The Cossacks captured Boer leader, Stenka Razin, apparently for Razin a stenk.

 

1775,   The first abolitionist society was organized in Philadelphia.

 

1828,   The first edition of Noah Webster’s dictionary was published…more on that later.

 

1831,   A bridge in Manchester, England collapsed while soldiers were marching across it. Nothing mentioned as to what their intensive-purposes were. (More on that malaprop, later.)

 

1836,   Congress authorized the formation of the Territory of Wisconsin…which led to copious amounts of Cheese and the eventual home of, “Titletown, USA”.

 

1860,   The first Pony Express rider arrived in San Francisco from St. Joe, Mo.

 

1865,   The U.S. Secret Service was formed to fight counterfeiting.

 

1865,   Later that evening; at Ford’s Theater; Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth.

 

1894,   Thomas Edison’s “kinetoscope”, (moving pictures), had its first showing. Yeah, like THAT had any kind of future!

 

1912,   The “unsinkable” ship, HMS Titanic, struck an iceberg and – eventually – sank.

 

1927,   The first Volvo debuted in Gothenburg, Sweden and was  a YUGE success with Birkenstock-wearing wimmins of the time.

 

1939,   One of a handful of books which had a profound effect on my life; my thinking and myself as a person, John  Steinbeck’s,

Pulitzer Prize winning, “The Grapes of Wrath” was published. This book was once described by Dub-the-Dubious, as being Communist. OK, consider the source. I strongly suggest when TCM shows the film version, which is close to the book, to watch it and dare you NOT to get a tear in your eye(s) during Muley Graves’ soliloquy about how he was being driven off his land.

 

1961,   Russia beams its first live-TV broadcast…a borscht eating contest; followed by a wotka-drinking tilt. Slurp. Slurp.

 

1964,   Sandy Koufax threw his 9th, consecutive complete game! But wait! There’s more! He did so without issuing a walk!

9-consecutive, COMPLETE games; 81-innings; 243-outs; with nary a base-on-balls!

 

1968,   As The Masters just finished, it was on this date when Roberto de Vicenzo signed an incorrect score card and in doing so, lost The Masters. More on this tourney, later.

 

 

*STOOPID IS AS STOOPID DOES…

-Did anyone see the video on that kid from Indiana on Wheel of Fortune…wearing his I/U sweatshirt; having the puzzle completely spelled out for him: “Mythological Hero Achilles”…but pronounced said “hero’s” name “Atch-ill-us”. OK, I guess we should give this college-kid a break. I mean, whoever heard of their Achilles-tendon?

 

-”All-intensive purposes”. This malaprop comes via those “Comments” sections after internet news stories. I know I get a bit snobby with clichés; definitions and/or spelling and be quite a rectal-itch about them. However, when someone decides to write their opinions for all to see, they need to be aware of what…and how…they are saying whatever it is they’re saying. Thus, for all intensive purposes, if using clichés, at least use them correctly.

 

Here’s another one, though this was said, not written by a young athlete, who while explaining his choosing one college over another; said of the “loser” that, “…there just were no whistling bells”…as opposed to that institute of higher learning’s not causing him to hear any “bells and whistles”.

 

*WHERE WERE THE NRA’S “GOOD GUYS WITH GUNS”?

-”Hatred inspired a 73-year-old man to open fire outside a Jewish community center in Kansas, killing a teen and his grandfather, authorities say.

Witnesses say Frazier Glenn Cross, who also goes by the last name Miller, yelled a Nazi salute after the shooting Sunday in Overland Park, one day before the start of Passover. Police say Cross then drove to a nearby Jewish assisted-living facility, shooting another victim to death before surrendering to authorities.

The well-known white supremacist and former Ku Klux Klan leader was later recorded screaming “Heil Hitler!” during his arrest.

The shooting spree started outside the Jewish Community Center of Greater Kansas City, where parents and their children were gathering for a singing contest and another event. Cross was armed with at least one shotgun and was allegedly shooting at people in the parking lot, witnesses say.”

 

*ANOTHER BLACK-EYE FOR THE CPD?

Yet, again, Chi-Town cops “lost” a file in a homicide. What’s worse is, this is very similar to the Koschman case, in that there was a death following a fight at a bar; where one party suffered from head-trauma which eventually caused his death. But wait! There’s more! In another, chilling coincidence, 9 of the cops in the Koschman case, were involved in this one. Here’s the link.

 

http://projects.suntimes.com/koschman/latest-news/another-missing-files-case-for-koschman-cops/

 

*HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!

-ExxonMobil’s CEO received $28.1 million in compensation last year. Poor baby. He “only” made $540,384.61/week. That’s as opposed to Cousin Brucie, our GOPerGuber-candidate, who made $1-million/week. Maybe energy ain’t what it’s fracked-up to be, huh?

 

*THERE IS JUSTICE*

- An Ohio judge sentenced a 62-year-old man to hold a sign on a street corner stating that he is a bully, after he bullied his neighbor’s kids. The bully, Edmond Aviv, said, “The judge destroyed me. This isn’t fair at all”. Deal with it, ash hole.

This after he’d set a fan to blow kerosene vapors towards his neighbors; spit on her adopted, black kids and regularly threw dog scheiss on their car windows.

He’s right. It wasn’t fair. The judge shoulda made him eat those turds.

 

 

DUCK SEASON

 

*TUBULARLY-SPEAKING…

SPOILER ALERT!**************SPOILER ALERT!**************** SPOILER ALERT!******************SPOILER ALERT!

 

“GAME OF THRONES”. Wowzers! Speaking of justice being served, not 2-minutes after I’d muttered how I’d love to see Joffrey “get it” somehow, he was POISONED! And, as much as I’d hated the little prick…talk about someone who was “lucky to be King”…he’d just eaten some of his wedding cake and gargle-garbled his way to an excrutiatingly, painful demise. At that time, we also got a deeper-glimpse into his mama’s personality, which while more sneaky-viper-like, previously, was in full-flower, in full view of all. Of course, she blamed her brother, Tyrion, the dwarf, played extremely-well by Peter Dinklage. She thought it was the wine…maybe done by his bride, Margaery? They don’t say it but I gotta dime that says it was the pie/cake. And, it wasn’t her. Though, she’d have the most to gain.

 

I’d had figured Joffrey’d buy the farm, eventually, just not this soon nor this early. I was thinking it’d have been more of a “dracarys” death. Oh well. Posion/fire; potato/potahto.

And I thought “The Red Wedding” from last season was some kinda wedding! At least a bad-guy bought it this time.

 

In other developments, the Wiccan-like-religious fanatics siding with Stannis are getting a stronger foothold with him. Bran Stark realizes who he is. According to what I’ve read, next week’s spostetabe a good’n, too.

 

“BLUE BLOODS”. Is this show going the way of other CBS-police-procedurals? It may. It seems its writers have fallen into the “formula” trap of many of its shows, i.e., a crime is committed…generally, murder…early-on in the story; we meet the perpetrator but are not so informed. How do we know? They are either close-friends; express overwhelming grief; disbelief; total-support for, or some such response to the deceased’s passing. The plot is then woven around them; generally leaving them out; continues on until, “poof”,  some bit of evidence pops up and, voila, Danny, Jamie, Erin or Francis solve the case.

 

Now, Dave, this is not a rip on the style of the show; its characters nor characterizations. We like that it’s one in which there’s next-to-no, cursing; sex…extramarital or otherwise. However, pointing out that the writers owe us more than to be able to fairly-well know whodunnit in a whodunnit, not even 15-minutes into it, is fair.

 

“MAD MEN”. We don’t watch it. Didn’t watch last night’s inaugural for its final season. Did before. Tried to. Really, I did. But like comedy or erotica, it’s one of those things that catches your attention or it doesn’t. It didn’t. Sorry.

 

Funny, as I like Jon Hamm and John Slattery. The wimmins are attractive. It just never hit the right notes with me.

 

“SILICON VALLEY”. MBH is the same towards this “The Big Bang” with higher-nerdiness; more foul language and characterizations, as I am with “Mad Men”. So far, I’ve enjoyed it. Though, like moss on a tree, it does seem to have to “grow on” the viewer. Which leads us to…

 

THE BIG SCREEN…”THE INTERNSHIP”. We had a few laughs, though speaking of formulaic, I gave MBH a plot synopsis which was

85% to 90% dead-on, 20-odd-minutes into it. It’s a rejoining of “The Wedding Crashers’” Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughan, as     outside-salesmen, who thanks to the Internet, find themselves out of work as manufacturers reps. The way they find this out was anything BUT formulaic, which I found rather creative. However, once they decide to sign up as Google-interns, man, we have the “fish-out-of-water” formula…meets the “outsiders”…meets “old-timers can still do it”…becoming, the “fish”-”outsider”-”old-timers” meet the “losers” and, ta-DA, they win out by the end. John Goodman is wasted as the guys’ former boss, as is Will Ferrell in a cameo. Rob Riggle is, well, Rob Riggle and Rose Byrne as Dana seemed to be there for nothing more than eye-candy. No wonder it only got 2-stars.

 

This is one which is fine for a Saturday night on HBO or Showtime. But if we had paid $11.00 apiece to see it? Total piss-offery!

 

AND NOW…SPORT

 

DaHAWKS…lost their final two games, setting up their first-round with the St. Lousy Blues. That’s all I’m getting into with them, as, well, you know why.

 

DaBULLS.

-Wella-wella. MBH ‘n’ me and the kids attended a fund-raiser where MBH won tix to DaBulls, first-home game in the first round of the playoffs. Two games remain before we know whom they will play as they are still tied with Toronto, which holds the tie-breaker. Thus, they need to win both games; hoping the Raptors drop one to become the 3rd-seed. Otherwise, they’re the 4th and will host, Brooklyn, I believe.

 

DaChiSox.

-They won on a walk-off 2-run homer by The Cuban Missile, Alexei Ramirez, after closer, Matt Lindstrom blew his save-opportunity, setting the stage for The Missile’s heroics.

 

DaFlubs.

-Wound up their trip to St. Lousy 1-2, thanks to an 11th-inning game-winning homer by Wellington Castillo Saturday. They travel to Whitney’s YankMes, where it’s doubtful they’ll fare much better. Is it BOHICA time? Maybe…maybe not. How’s that? Well, after starting 4-7 with his closer, Jose Veras, posting the following results in 3-2/3rds innings: 7-walks; a wild pitch; a passed ball,. which coulda been a w/p; three hit batters, which leads the NL and 2-blown saves, Manager Ricky Renteria demoted him. As the saying goes, “it’s early”. But, had he not blown those saves, they’re 6-5 instead of 4-7. With a team as bad as theirs, that’s YUGE!

 

The “good” thing about this is, it seems Veras is yet another of the Theocracy’s “Flips” and as such, was/is destined to be used as much as possible to get as much as possible in return when they decide his pancake’s ready for flipping. With his Marmol-like start, Cubs fans could only hope for him to tear his labrum or something, just to not have to watch him flail about on the mound. Hopefully, Renteria’s going to manage the team to win, NOT to get the best draft-pick next year. Y’know, like Thibs did with DaBulls. Oh well.

 

 

“THE MASTERS”.

-Pretty much watched the whole tourney and hafatsay, it was a beauty. No Phil; nor Tiger. So what? We had a lefty, launching prodigious tee-shots; pairing them with deft approach sots and a solid putter, in winner, Bubba Watson. We also had a “Young TurK”, not even 21, give him all he could handle in Jordan Spieth.

 

What I enjoy most about The Masters is it is the sole Major which is played at/on the same course every year. Yes, there is the Southern-white boy attitude of its membership but that’s for another day. I’m referring to the Tourney; the course and what a test it is; year in and year out. Anyone who has played…that’s a misnomer as no one really “plays” golf…they endure it. After all, the palindrome of golf is “flog”. Or, they came up with its name as “sh*t” and “fu*k” were taken already.

Anyway, those who have gone out to endure a game of golf know that a mishit is as likely as the sun rising in the east. Just missing the “sweet-spot” on any club by a fraction of an inch…or millimeter…can lead to your ball winding up a few fairways over; in the woods; awash in a water hazard…whatever. However, this is a course on which a ball can be struck precisely as it should; travel — nearly — exactly where it’s supposed to; winding up in the “first cut”…at Augusta, they do  NOT have “rough”…with a “flyer” lie, which causes your approach to “fly” the green; over the back; setting you up for a shot SOOOOOO, touchy that if you mishit it just ever-so-slightly, your ball scoots past the flagstick…they do NOT have “pins” at Augusta…down the green; to the collar; downwards and into the water hazard which fronts the green.

 

In other words, to win here, you better have your schit together. Bubba did.

 

On Bubba, I cannot recall watching a golfer with so much power off the tee, who keeps the ball in play as much or as well as he…at least this tourney.

A long time ago, the phrase: “Drive for show; putt for dough” was coined. It makes sense. You can tee off and cover 350-yeards but a 2-inch putt counts the same on your scorecard. This Masters, I don’t know how many fairways Bubba hit but it hadta be most of them. The key to winning at Augusta is keeping the ball in play…AND…if you can…AND…you can do so with big tee-shots…your chances of winning are much enhanced.

For awhile on Saturday, I thought Bubba was in the midst of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory…which seemed so a bit during the first nine on Sunday. Then, whammo, he took off.

I also ike the guy as he seems to be a decent sort.

 

Last thing on Bubba. Some criticize as his emotioons took over – again – after he won it. Screw them! This man had to keep it together on one of the toughest golf courses in the world; against the best golfers in the world for 4-hours or so; over 4-days. That he allowed them to evidence themselves, more power to him. Way to go, Bubba. Two-outta-three ain’t half-bad, buddy.

 

Jordan Spieth. What a tourney he had! This kid won’t be 21 for few months, yet he played in the final-pairing with Bubba and damn near held him off. He wound up tied with another Masters rookie, Jonas Blixt, from Sweden at -5. We should see more of this kid and Blixt as the years go on. His youth showed through on a couple occasions but he also belied his youth with some solid play.

 

Freddie Couples. My fave tour-pro. Once many years ago, I was watching a tourney…don’t recall which…during which he was blocking his shots to the right all day. After he did it – again – off the tee, the live-mike at the tee box picked up his saying, “GodDAMMit! Every effin-time!” That struck a chord with me, as that sounded so much like me. By the way, they quickly cut to a commercial and when they came back, there was Freddie; assessing his shot and the announcer saying something like, “Here’s Fred Couples, taking a look at that shot with which he wasn’t very happy “, or words to that effect.

He wound up at +2, tied with 4-others for 8th. Not bad for a 54-year-old, huh?

 

The next, non-Major-Major, is The Players Championship at Sawgrass  beginning May 8th.

 

OK, time to go. Rain or no; snow or no; remember, any day we can look down at our rosebushes instead of up at their roots, it’s a good one.

 

Take care,

 

DaBigFatWat

 

 

 

 


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