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DANDELIONS DON’T TELL NO LIES. (& Mine’s Bigger ‘n Yours!)

Good morning on this most frabjous April morn; the 119th day in the Year of Our Lord, Zeus, leaving a mere 246 to go! As I begin today’s quest for truth, justice and the smart-ass way, it is a mild 55-degrees with a forecast high in the low-70s.

But Wait! There’s More! On the morrow, we are to expectorate 82-degrees! However, as we ChiTowners know, if we don’t like the weather, wait just wait a minute and it’ll change. Well, t’won’t be a minute but by Thursday, we’ll be back t the 60s…and also into the merry-merry-month of May; preparing for May Day; May Crowning and Cinco de Mayo…not to mention a certain-Nester’s reaching his Medicare eligibility-date at month’s end. weed


Editorial note…As I will be Captain Nemo, subbing at The Mysterious Island on Woden’s Day and FEEL-GOOD Freitag, I will trot out “Hump Day’s” edition, tomorrow, with Freitag’s “FEEL-GOOD” edition on Thor’s Day.


OK, let’s see what we can see, shall we?


Was I the only one struck by the irony of the wounded IslamicTerroristBostonBomber being taken to Beth Israel Hospital? Just askin’.


Sounds like something straight outta some Tarrantino-flick.



The owner of the factory/building in Bangladesh which collapsed, killing 370/377/382…you pick. I’ve seen all three numbers… workers was arrested while trying to flee the country for negligence and illegal construction. If convicted, he faces up to 7-years in prison. Let’s hope he spends them in the eenfahmoos, “Black Hole of Calcutta”.


Now, I know the market-collapse did not – directly – result in that any deaths. But, it cannot be denied that tens of millions of us suffered negatively from the shenanigans of a handful of greedy-individuals who – for reasons known only to themselves – too much wasn’t enough. That it’s not over and it seems they still haven’t had their greed sated, is worser.

Yet, their motivation – greed – was the same as Mohammed Sohel Rana’s, wasn’t it? Yet not a one has even been investigated…at least as far as we know.

What amazes moi is the Gordon Gecko-line from “Wall Street”, “Greed is good”, is not held in disdain. Rather, it seems to be celebrated. Sorry. Not here.




Hmmmmm. This is a poser. Yes, something needstabe done; especially if Assad is using chemical-weapons against his own people. Here’s the problem. I even heard Barry refer to “WMD”! If there’s a scarier acronym, I’ve yet to hear it. Even the two-most-”We’reGonnaInvadeAnyCountryWeWantCuzWeWanna”, Sens., McCain and Graham, each say it’d be a mistake to put our troops there.

So, what to do?


Well, how about the rest of the world set up a “Hunger Games” for the Mideast? Seriously. Stack up a wholebuncha weapons; giving them all equal access to them; then let them fight each other to oblivion. No nukes, though, as we need their precious oil reserves. Then whomever wins gets an agreement from the rest of the world that they’ll be paid…quite handsomely…for their oil, in exchange for the rest of the world not blowing them to oblivion. Makes IslamicSense to moi.



Fellow Noisers, didja know that each time you use your I-Pass on any of HoosierLand’s  tollways, you’re paying a 3-cent premium for the privilege of doing so? It nets them something like $750,000.00/year.

Well, Ella’s folks are looking at returning the favor to our country-bumpkin neighbors and moi’s all for it.

Foithermore, moi’d bet Ella’d collect more as it’s moi’s firm opinion that more folks are a “Goin’ to Chicago” than “Going Back to Indiana”, on a daily basis.



The WhatchooTalkin’BoutWillisTower’s about to lose its title as the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere to the 1 World Trade Center in New Yawk. If it makes ‘em feel good, fine. We still know that The SEARS Tower’s a for-real skyscraper; the height of which is not that dependant upon a “spire”. Besides that, spires are for churches, anyway. Though it would seem that The SEARS Tower was/is/will always be some kind of cathedral to bidniss. Wouldn’t you think?





So, Nesters, after anywhere from 4-to- 6-inches of rain and some warmer weather our lawns are a-comin’ back. Here are a few early-season tips…if anyone else has any, please feel free to share, too.

Obviously, if you do not tend/mow your lawn, this won’t mean much to you. However, to those who do, these may help you save some time and/or wear and tear on you, physically…AND give you the lawn that your neighbors will ask you how you get it looking the way you do.

1). My first fertilizer application is done with TurfBuilder + Halts by 4/15. The “Halts” refers to its pre-emergent herbicide which prevents crabgrass from “emerging” later in the summer. The Good is, what I just said. The Bad is, you can’t seed over it as it won’t germinate due to the “pre-emergent-herbicide”.

The general rule between applications is 4 – to – 6 weeks; depending on weather conditions. Obviously, if there’s an abundance of rain, you may lean towards 6-weeks. Also, use your sight and sense of touch. If you can “see” the lawn isn’t looking as green as it should; apply the fert. Or, if while mowing, you “feel” that it’s cutting way to easily, that means the lawn is thin and needs feeding…or if there aren’t many clippings…whether you pick them up or mulch them. You can tell.


2). DANDELIONS DON’T TELL NO LIES. Perhaps this should be a sub-head. Don’t know.  

My second application is with Scott’s TurfBuilder + 2. This is what is most commonly referred to as a “weed and feed”, as it contains a herbicide which while safe for your grass is deadly on broadleaf-weeds…not all, but most. Here’ the reason for these points, today. Just about anytime we apply fert, there’s some leftover. What to do with it? There’s never enough to use broadly but too much to just throw away. OK, here’s your tip, Nesters. Find a large, shaker-type applicator…(I use and old “Skake ‘n’ Feed” container.)..and pour your leftover weed ‘n feed into it. Then, when those “Dandelions don’t tell no lies” by popping up their little yellow blossoms in the midst of your emerald-green lawn, a la DA GREEN BAY PACKEHS colors, all you needsta do is take yer shaker out and shake it on them, without copmpletely covering them as you’ll burn your lawn. The herbicide kills the Dandelions, “No more Dandelions!”, while at the same time, the fert promotes the grass to grow around the dead-dandelion; eliminating the spot. Bears fans may LOVE this one.

I had a neighbor who was a horticulture-prof at Circle who happened by whilst I was on my “search and destroy” mission to “No More Dandelions” asking moi what moi was doing. When I ‘splained, he said something like, “Hmmm. That makes a lot of sense”. However, you will never hear that from the folks at Scotts. They want to sell you another 5000-s.f/ bag.



Was at Costco yesterday and spotted an end-cap-display of their “Kirkland” brand’s, “Kirkland Signature Seaweed”. Yum-yum.




                                                                   AND NOW…SPORT


Yes, Nesters. They done did it! Prior to yesterday’s game, our beloved BOHICUBS strung together three dubyas…for the first time this year! BE STILL MY HEART! Even MarmolBad couldn’t blow a game! WHISKEY! TANGO! FOXTROT!


Here’s the thing. After yesterday’s loss, they’re 9-15. Obviously, a win woulda made them 10-14. So what? Yes, moi agrees. So, what? Well, a glance 9-1/8 miles down the CTA shows their fellow-ChiTown team at, ahem, 10-14. If for no other reason than to be able to tell some pain-in-the-arsical-fans of the CellDwellers to pound sand; it means something.



Those 9-15 BOHICUBS’ starting rotation’s ERA is 3.14. That IS something. AND, would REALLY be SOMETHING if they could catch and hit the ball nearly as well, which they are not. Oh yeah…almost forgot…that’sabouteffintime/ came against the 9-16 Marlins.



Sound familiar? It should. Those were a few of the many words which issued from former-Cubs Manager, Lee Elia in his diatribe about Cubs fan 30-years ago, today. One of my bros had it on a cassette and I have listened to it many a time. Ah, how moi longs for the good old days!

Perhaps The SCORE will replay it sometime today inasmuch as their overnight guy, Les Grobstien recorded and preserved it.



The San Diego InvasionOfTheBodySnatchers-Pods…invade Wrigley Field, tonight. They bring with them their MuchoRobusto 9-15 record for 4-games. Dare we think it? Is there a http://www.wellboyhowdy/ series a-comin’ to 1060 W. Addison?

We have Parkay taking the mound against THE LONE RANGER, Clayton  Moore. Sorry. It’s Clayton Richard, whose name probably should be Richard Clayton, who brings with him a 7.92 ERA and a withering 0-2 W/L record.



Yesterday, Paulie Konerko…NesterBill’s hero of the ’05 World Series…clubbed his 426th-career homer. With that, he joined a fellow ChiTownFave, #26; Hall-of-Fame Cub, Billy Williams for 45th place on MLB’s all-time  home run list. Obviously, unless he gets hit by a bus or something, he’ll surpass Sweet Swingin’ Billy…moi’s fave Cub of all-time.

Congrats to Paulie. A real class act.



One year ago, today, Derrick Rose blew out his knee. I was watching that game; saw it and am still sickened by it. Hopefully, he will return to the team, which I doubt will occur anytime soon, but when he does, he’ll be at full strength and back…for good. Guessing it’ll be next season.


One blessing, if you will, could be that his outside shot(s) may be becoming better than ever. That won’t hurt. Recall what happened when MJ improved his and how he became as devastating as any who trod the boards in the NBA before, during or since? That’d be nice.


They move to Brooklyn for Game 5 with a 3-1 edge. Not saying anything more out of fear of putting the kibosh on them. That said, I did watch Saturday’s triple-overtime game…well, the 3rd overtime and if there’s a team with more grit; stones; cojones; heart; desire…I want to see them. Undermanned; hurt; you name it; you saw a total-team effort in Game 4.



Playoffs begin t’morrow. More then.



Let us begin with DaBears. here’s a link to Rick Morrissey’s column in t’day’s S-T:


In it, he states, “…there’s no way the Bears would have used their first pick on a guy with four college starts if his name had been Kyle Doe, Kyle Smith or Kyle Short…”. Moi agrees. The kid’s a hunk-and-a-half at 6’7″; 310#s. Could he…might he…may he become an SFC-pro worthy of being the 20th overall pick of the 2013 SFC-Draft? The question remains and will unless or until he shows he’s more than a big guy with a nasty attytude…but yes, he could…underscore…could. He seems like a good kid; well-schooled in the ways of the SFC what with his HOF-Dad, Howie and his St. Lousy Ram, DT-bro, Chris.

That said, he only started 4 college games! Hardly a broad-spectrum on which to make a decision.

In the “Wish I’d Said That” category, last Friday, a caller to The SCORE opined that Phil EmeryBoard fashions himself a formerly-frustrated kind of Jerry Krause, “Secret Agent X-9 Super Scout” who was always digging up these “finds” only to have been over-ridden by his bosses…the GM’s for whom he worked…but now, HE is the GM, so he gets to – not only – scout the guys but PICK and sign them…whoever he wants.


Nothing personal to the kid(s) nor EmeryBoard…well not yet to EmeryBoard, though he seemstabe some kind of second-coming of Jerry Angelo with his 1st-round picks…but they seem to be getting a “thumbs-sideways” from the national-SFC press.


Otherwise, they got an MLB, who from the tapes, seems pretty good. Trouble is, no station shows any “bad” tapes of any of these kids.



So, I had felt ’twas another thumbs-sideways in the toilet-paper capitol of the U.S. of A. I didn’t trust Coach Mike McCarthy; GM Ted Thompson, nor D/C, Dom Capers as well, like EmeryBoard, they “Got their guys, yadda-yadda-yadda”. That is, until I tuned into the SFC Network; read today’s S-T; saw ESPN’s rating, among others.

Apparently, DatOne Jones IS a “dynamic pass-rushing threat”. God knows, they need a DE who makes O-s scheme for someone else besides Mathews, Jr. That and the fact that their pass-rush has sucked since ’10. Also, they picked a couple RBs who could…might…may…actually make opposing D-s take their running game into account, opening more lanes for Aaron Rodgers, (who became a rich man over the weekend, too). While the term , “1000-yard-rusher” isn’t what it usedtabe as that only requires 66-yards/game by a RB, still, that tends to cause D-s to draw in a tad closer to the line of scrimmage and in t’day’s SFC, a foot is like a mile on a quick-slant.



Could it be the Viqueens? They had 3-first-round picks, plus, they signed F/A, former Packeh-Greg Jennings



Ya got me.

I don’t think I have seen a team which year-after-year-after-year has picked so high in the draft with nothing – really – to show for it. We’ll see.


All in all, our division should be interesting this year…at least on paper it should.



They did well, too. It’ll be interesting to see how opposing D/Cs react to the “read-option”. I still believe it’ll go the way of the “Wildcat” as it’s a college play. D/Cs didn’t have that much time to prepare for it last year. Recall, SFC-players are all fast and hard-hitters. The day after any SFC-QB gets his bell rung by a safety of LB, its withering of it on the vine will begin.




The New Yawk YETS! Y-E-T-S! YETS! YETS! YETS! have cut Tim Tebow.

Please! Please! Please! No, “You don’t like him because he’s a Christian!” bullcrap comments. PUHLEEEZE!


Again, nothing personal against the kid. He’s a tremendous competitor. Never quit…witness his beating DaBears  in the waning minutes of their game when “What’s His Name” ran out of bounds when they were, ahem, “running out the clock”. No.

He seems to be a great kid, too.


What he is NOT is an SFC-QB! Y’see, in order to be a for-real, QB in the SFC…which has become a “passing-league”…one needs the ability to “pass” the football. All previous disclaimers aside, he couldn’t pass gas after a chili-eating contest! Maybe now, we’ve heard the last of this less-than-good-QB. Oh well.


OK, time to go outside and enjoy this awesomely beautiful April day. See y’all t’morrow.



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