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Chicago, the “City of Lights”! (and beer flavored jelly beans!)

No Hangover Either!

No Hangover Either!

Good morrow.

 

It’s colder than an Eskimo’s hind-side here in ChiTown. As I type this, the “high” temperature reading is, ahem, -1, which is accompanied by a -25 wind chill. In a word, BRRRRRRRRRRRRR. No wait, make that MUTHA-FUGGA! IT’S FUGGIN’ COLD!

 

Funny but New Joisey, the site of The Super Bowl also is experiencing record cold temps as well, as the snow-system which we had, gamboled its way over there. They’re saying that there are contingency plans to play the game on the Saturday before or Monday after. As much as I’d like to say I’d attended a Super Bowl, when looking at it honestly, other than saying “I was there”, the question would be “Why?” After all, the TV shots are so good and on a big-screen with HD, it’s like being there without having to deal with the crowds. Plus, the beer and food are not only cheaper but better. Oh well. Sorry, Whitney and Joe but schitt happens. Right now, we’re in that Zeus-awful Polar Vortex, which may also be making its way eastward. Consider that payback for ESPN.

 

A REVIEW, IF YOU WILL.

-Looks like I pushed some buttons the other day. In situations like that, I encourage all of you to participate. There are no rules here as to whom may say what, save one. You must…repeat, MUST…be respectful of the others’ positions. That is what debate is. It’s the ability to discuss a hot-button-issue without going bat-crap-crazy on someone just because they don’t happen agree with you. And, in that vein, so far, so good.

THOR’S SEASON

IT’S WAYBACK MACHINE TIME!

-Lets see what historynet.com says happened on this date in history in…

1899,    Capt. Queeg, aka Fred C. Dobbs, aka Sam Spade, aka Humphrey Bogart was born.

 

1919,    One of the funniest, craziest, most inventive comedians, ever, Percy Dovetonsils, aka, Leader of the Nairobi Trio, aka, Ernie Kovacs was born. He also had the good fortune to have been married to Edie Adams. Hubba-hubba.

 

1932,   FDR entered the Presidential race for the first and last time. The rest as they say, is…or should I say, was…history. A comment directed at the hardheaded right-wingnuts of our great country, if y’all don’t mind. Because of FDR, MBH and I are able to lead a – mostly - comfortable retirement. I had no pension…and at the rate they’re being rescinded, one wonders if I’d have one. Anyway, thanks to the reforms pushed by FDR, we’re enjoying our lives without wondering how we’d live or even get by. MBH’s pension’s going to get trimmed somehow but we’ll be OK. It makes one wonder, why someone be against this.

 

1951,   Truman forms the Commission on Internal Security and Individual Rights to combat Communism. Move along, folks. Nothing going on here. Keep moving. Keep moving.

 

TODAYS’ HEADLINES:

-”Rahm’s vision: Chicago as ‘N. America’s city of lights’”. So, Rahmbi thinks we should be lit up for all the world to see; attracting foreign visitors with the goal of increasing tourism in Chi by 10%. (Don’t forget, he gave us more bike lanes, too.) Not bad, Rahmbi. Not bad at all. Plus, he wants to begin with lighting the “Riverwalk”. For non-ChiTowners, under Mayir Daley, there’d been considerable work done to beautify the banks of the Chicago River, (the one they dye green on St. Paddy’s Day), which was nice. Now, Rahmbikins wants to build on that by artfully lighting it at night. That would be great! Not only would we have a better view of the buildings and architecture but of the local fauna as well. Imagine some Parisians spotting one of our big-as-a-Chihuahua-river rats, exclaiming, “Mon Ami! Luke aht thaht theeng! Deed someone lose a dog?”

 

-”Jelly beans on tap?”

Jelly Belly Candy Co. is offering a beer-flavored jelly bean. I’ll just leave it at that.

 

-”Minicars fare poorly in crash tests”. Really? They do? You gotta be schittin’ me! Why?

 

-”Judge: Sperm donor owes child support”. Here’s the kicker. This as not in New Yawk, Bahstehn, Chichagah, SanFran not La-la-Land, nor any place which could be misconstrued as some bastion of liberalism. It was in, wait for it, Topeka, Kansas.

Here’s the kicker’s kicker. The guy donated his sperm to a lesbian couple. So, without wanting to sound crass, the dude didn’t get any kind of luvin’ other than his own, ahem, “manipulating” and he has to pay for that?

Not to revisit the “priest” issue, but maybe what they told us adolescent boys about “spilling our seed” being a sin had some basis…not necessarily in the “sin” but in bad consequences.

Ironically, last night’s rerun of The Big Bang Theory” on TBS was Howard’s “falling into his robotic-hand, pee-pee first”.

 

 

LOKI SEASON

THE VERSATILE BRADLEY COOPER.

-Recall recently when I mentioned this actor’s versatility? Well, Phil a member of The Wolfpack of “The Hangover” films is going to play “The Elephant Man” on Broadway. I’ll leave it at that. If that isn’t versatility, I don’t know what is.

 

DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!

-If any of you have this morning’s S-T, turn to page-29 and check out the Marilu Henner look-alike pictured in a slinky, black dress. It’s a guy.

 

TUBULARLY SPEAKING.

-In one respect, dramatizations from days gone by were a bit more brutal in their dialogue(s). The “N-word” was commonplace. Hell, I had a third cousin whose nickname was that. He was my Dad’s 2nd-cousin and older than he but still, I knew him as that.

Many things said then would now be considered “hate-speech”. This is not to justify anything. It’s just the way things were.

 

Anyway, up till the Sam Peckinpah-era, e.g., “The Wild Bunch”, physical violence was sanitized in a way. Think of older films. Even when Prewitt – Montgomery Clift - kills “Fatso” - Ernest Borgnine – in “From Here to Eternity”, which was considered “racy” at the time, we don’t see him do it.

 

What I’m getting at is, in Monday’s episode of “The Blacklist” and last night’s “Revolution”, me droogies, we have mucho-multi-multi of Alex’s “bit of the old ultra-violence”. AND, these are broadcast network shows, not premium-cable, a la HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, etc., which is the basis for the wonderment. Even dropping my pants, I can’t count all the dead bodies in these two shows’ last two episodes.

 

HAPPY GOLDEN ANNIVERSARY TO” DR. STRANGELOVE. HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THAT BOMB!”

-Lt. Col. “Bat” Guano and company had to deal with a nuclear war started by Gen Jack T. Ripper over the “…preservation of our precious bodily fluids”. It was a take-off on “Fail-Safe” and “Seven Days in May”, two exceedingly popular novels of the time which were also made into movies, the former starring Henry Fonda as the President in “Fail Safe” and  Burt Lancaster as Gen,. Scott, the antagonist, in “Seven Days In May”.

 

There are numerous, hysterical scenes but perhaps moi’s fave was Peter Sellers as President Muffley, in the Pentagon War room asking George C. Scott’s Gen. Buck Turgidson (the names hold be a giveaway), if any of our nuclear armed bombers could get through. Turgidson begins an almost pedantic recitation of what methods they’d use and how they’d defeat Soviet radars, when he begins to begin a crescendo-like going bat-schit crazy with – near – glee as he describes what and how they’d do it. Ya hadta have seen it or see it. I’m sure TCM will show it soon. For our younger-members, you have to understand that we grew up with nuclear annihilation hanging over our heads…every day.

 

The next is “Slim” Pickens last scene, which you’ll have to watch the film to see. Trust me, it’s worth the watch but please, please, please, remember this. IT’S A SATIRE.

 

 

 

AND NOW…SPORT

YA REALLY KNOW HOW TO HURT A GUY! YA REALLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE ONE CRY!

-So, to no one’s but the Cubs surprise, Masahiro Tanaka accepted the New Yawk YankMes, (read that, Joe’s “Evil Empire”), $155,000,000.00 over 7-years over B.O.H.I.C.A. Land’s. Hell, even if they’d offered more, forget the team’s dismal record under the Rickettses and just look out the window.

 

Sorry, can’t avoid their record since 2010. So, let’s try it this way. You just went 24-0. TWENTY-FOUR WINS…ZERO LOSSES, and you’re going to sign  with a team which under its current ownership has amassed…are you sitting down…375 losses since the 2010-season. That’s an average of…again, are you sitting down…93.75-losses/year.

 

So had Tanaka signed here, as was mentioned on CSN/STL last night, one would have to ask, “Why?”

 

HERE’S THE KICKER.

-As the S-T’s Gordon Wittenmyer asks, what are they going to do with that F/A-$$$ they had stockpiled? Will they use it to add a decent free agent to the roster and let us hope for, maybe a .500-season? Don’t count on it.

 

HERE’S THE KICK IN THE COCONUTS.

-The rooftop-thieves have filed suit because someone called them a bad name. He said they were, ahem, “…carpetbaggers stealing the product paid for by others for their own profit”. The S-T’s Rick Morrissey asks, “…isn’t the truth a defense?” Me too.

 

Because of this lawsuit, we B.O.H.I.C.A-folks may be mired in this schit until the end of the decade. There are enough of us who are seniors who could honestly ask if we’ll be around if/when they ever win.

 

All y’all know how I feel about those thieves, who I opined were given the contract with the team as in my experience with DaTribbies, all they care about is bottom-line. And, since they’d sold out their seasons, they decided to “go along” and get some $$$ out of it instead of getting involved in a lawsuit trying to stop it. Last night, the S-T’s Rick Telander mentioned then-Mayir Daley may have backed Waveland/Sheffield-pirates and the coerced-20-year-agreement the team has with them as he didn’t like DaTribbies. So, for them to try to hide behind that is nothing more than self-serving BS. Oh well.

 

Last thing on this. If they continue at this, they risk becoming the late-’80s/early ’90s Green Bay Packers. No one wanted to play there. It wasn’t till they got Favre and then Reggie that other guys went there.

 

Don’t worry. Tomorrow’s FEEL-GOOD FRIDAY edition will have a solution as to how to reach .500; with the team they have. Really.

 

DaHAWKS.

-See. I mention them and they lose to the Wings in a shootout.

 

DaBulls.

-Hmmmm. They won again. Over the years…make that, decades…sports is enjoyed because so many times, the outcomes of the contests depend on one, or more, to overcome adversities. Vince Lombardi’s line: “Our glory is not found in victory. Our glory is found in when we fail, we get back up”.

It is counter-intuitive to go all cerebral and say they…or any team for that matter…should play to lose. Then why play?

 

I am building an affinity for this team and these guys, Dan Bernstein’s scheisskopffed-blathering, notwithstanding.

 

DaSOX.

-About the only good thing B.O.H.I.C.A. Cubs fans can say about he Tanaka deal is, at least the Sox didn’t get him.

 

FINALLY, IN SMALL COLLEGE ROUNDBALL.

-There’s an item in t’day’s S-T about the University of Chicago’s men’s basketball team. As I read the headline I tried to envision their starting 5: Howard Wolowitz, point-guard; Leonard Hoffstedter shooting guard; Rajesh Koothrapali, small-forward; Gary Kripke, power-forward and Sheldon Cooper at center. OOPs, almost forgot cheelreaders. Knock-knock-knock-Penny, Knock-knock-knock-Penny, Knock-knock-knock-Penny; Amy Farrah-Fowler and Bernadette.

 

OK, baby it’s cold outside so, don’t tarry for “just a cigarette more” but do tarry…inside where it’s warm…and all the while thinking if you could look down at a rosebush today, it’d better than looking up at its roots, so it’s a good one.

 

HaGooDay!

 

DaBigFatWat


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