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Where are the Bears after 6 weeks?

This is quite the day! Another sun-splashed sunrise as Phoebus, (figured I use his real name instead of that rip-off Roman nom de plume), rides his chariot high in the October sky for what has been described as one of the last, summerlike, days we’ll see for awhile as Boreas changes the wind-direction and cools things down a bit over the weekend. Fine with moi.

bears

Today also takes on historic significance as MBH has just left for her last day of selfless help for kids who need it most, as they couldn’t cut it on their own or it just “wasn’t there” for them at home; not to mention her co-workers. Yep. Moi’s “bachelor-days” come to an end around 4:00PM, this afternoon, when she returns from school for the last time. We travel downtown next Tuesday…Monday’s Columbus Day…to file her retirement papers and begin what we’d been planning on since the mid-60s…being together and enjoying our lives together. So, Pharaoh and your minions, you can kiss our collective heinies and make sure you don’t miss the cracks. A hearty Battle of Agincourt salute to you, as well. (We will celebrate that two-weeks from today.)

 

That reminds me, next Twacks departure will be on Woden’s Day, unless everything goes swimmingly on Tuesday, which I doubt.

 

OK, let’s get to it, shall we? I have made a promise to make this – either – FEELY-GOODY – or – take a humorous shot at the seriosity-schit going on in our lives and with that, Sherman! To the Way Back Machine and let us see what happened on today’s date in…

1531,   The Catholics defeated the Protestants in the first Catholic League/Public League game, EVER, in Switzerland, as Soldiers Field had not existed.

 

1727,   George II was crowned as he was WHO WE THOUGHT HE WAS! YOU WANNA CROWN HIM, THEN CROWN HIS ASS!

 

1844,   Henry ( H.J.) Heinz, of 57 varieties; great ketchup and being the great, great(?) grand-father-in-law of SecState John Kerry, was born. Great ketchup, there, H.J.

 

1862,   The Confederate Congress declared any man owning 20 or more slaves was exempt from being drafted, setting  the precedent which would be applied a mere 100-years or so,  later, and giving origin to the saying, “…poor men fight rich men’s wars”.

 

1925,   Author of “Get Shorty”, novelist Elmore Leonard was born. Possibly one of the funniest grammar-based conversations ever…”Momo’s dead; e.g., you work for me”. “I think you mean ’i.e.,’.” “Yeah, e.g. means ‘for example’.” “E.g.’ i.e., fuck you!”

Now THAT’s writing.

 

1946,   Conversely, Darryl Hall was born.

 

1975,   With George Carlin hosting, Saturday Night Live had its premiere.

 

WABBIT SEASON

 

GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT…I THINK.

-The current crop of GOPers are best embodied by the pre-Bernadette, Howard Wolowitz from the Big Bang Theory. Bear with me.

Watchers of the show know Howard as the anti-Woody Allen nebbish, in that Allen’s cloying act is/was funny but never obnoxious, where Wolowitz was/is and always will be. The best example was “The Killer Robot Instability” episode, in which Sheldon’s arch-enemy, Kripke utters the words, “Woboto o woboto”. In it, Wolowitz does his obnoxious worst to finally cause resident-hottie, Penny, to gut him in truly acerbic terms, which causes him to leave, crestfallen, just before the “woboto o woboto” clash. The others convince Penny to go and apologize, which she does; during which, Wolwotiz, AGAIN, goes all obnoxious, but this time, tries for some open-mouthed “tonsil-hockey”, which Penny greets, not with open lips but a closed fist, breaking his nose. Later, after their “woboto” had been “wobotoized”, Wolowitz returns to the guys’ apartment; confesses his indiscretions and how – with Penny’s prompting – he’d “learned his lesson” after which, Penny leaves. It is at this point when Leonard approaches him and says he hoped Howard truly “learned his lesson”, to which he replies, “Are you kidding? The way I see it; I’m halfway to ‘pity-sex’.”

 

Now, think of what’s been going on in D.C. See any resemblance? Also, is the obnoxiousness of them more apparent? I sure hope so.

 

MONEY TALKS. BULLSHIT AND GRANDSTANDING WALK.

-It seems the multi-billionaire Koch brothers, the guys who own Koch Industries and run the GOP’s bidniss wing, sent a letter to GOPer Sen’s., telling them to back off on the debt-ceiling, which they did.

 

In the blink of an eye, the stock market rallied for a 323-point gain; putting it back above 15,000. If that doesn’t show the idiot-o-gogues how stupid they are, what will?

 

DON’T MAKE ANY PLANS TO GO TO ANY NATIONAL PARKS, ANTIME SOON, THOUGH.

-It seems, though, that the $116,000,000,000.00/day being lost to the shutdown hasn’t gotten through to them, though.

 

In an ironically, ironic, irony, one of Toad Crude’s Tea Party water-carriers, Mike Lee of Utah’s state plays quite the foil. Y’see, the largest, single employer in his state, the Beehive State, is, you guessed it, The Federal Government. So, his continued support for the shutdown leaves his constituents home…not collecting their paychecks, etc.

 

In a continued I.I.I., those small businesses, which DaGOPers claim to champion, some of whom exist off National Parks visitors; being government contractors or subs to them, aren’t getting any business. While furloughed FedWorkers have been assured of getting back pay, those poor basterds who work for private firms doing bidniss with Uncle Sam, ain’t gonna.

 

In other words, the antics employed by these characters are so crazy, they make Sophia Vergara’s gatling-gun tipped D-cups in “Machete Kills”, seem plausible.

 

SPEAKING OF THE MARKET.

-It’s the first, full week of October and those 3rd-quarter stock statements are coming. Haftasay, it was uplifting to see some

nice growth in our investments. Trouble is, will we feel the same in 90-days? Sorry, not FEEL-GOOD, nor humorous. But it could be.

 

That said, what happened yesterday shows, if these idiots get their heads out of their heinies, things will get better.

 

LAST THING ON THESE GOOFS…I PROMISE.

-Saw this on Lawrence O’Donnell’s show last night. Recall yesterday’s reference to how Citizens United’s ‘law of unintended consequences’ comment that it has led to the GOP’s tearing itself apart? You may find this link from the kraut-hammerer, himself, Charles’, comments on Conservative radio host, Laura Ingraham’s show, interesting.

http://www.politico.com/story/2013/10/charles-krauthammer-ted-cruz-obamacare-98144.html

 

A NOT-SO FEEL-GOOD…

-Dominick’s food stores are being closed in ChiTownLand. Not a surprise. As is noted in the news story, once they were bought out by Safeway, they removed local brands and replaced them with their own. They also ran them as if they were in California. Last time I looked, we ChiTowners were anything but California-dreamers. Too bad.

 

LET’S LIGHTEN THINGS UP A BIT WITH TODAY’S HEADLINES:

-”Cops: Man kills pal over pot plant”. ‘He Bogarted that joint, my friend’!

 

-”Castro’s death may have been autoerotic asphyxiation”. Talk about being poetically just!

 

-”Two rabbis jailed in divorce sting”. No, this is not the first line of a joke.

 

DUCK SEASON

 

TUBULARLY SPEAKING.

-”The Big Bang Theory”. This was the only regularly-scheduled show I saw as spent the rest of the evening watching DaBears game. Don’t know what’s going on but last night’s show began with Penny walking up the 4-flights of stairs with Leonard, while wearing “jeggings”…then closed with her in what appeared to be a V/S, magenta baby doll nightgown. It used to be said, some gals got hired when they walked into a room while others got it walking out. After last night, Penny got he job, either way.

 

The show was good, with the recurring joke a riff on Amy’s take on “Raiders of the Lost Ark”. I won’t spoil it for you, as, her assertion is dead-on. Trouble is, CBS is now “previewing” scenes of its comedy-shows in its promos. Second trouble is, they’re letting some of the cat out of the bag, which spoils some of the joke(s). And, since there is no control over commercials, promos, whatever, they are impossible to avoid, unless one stops watching the network’s other shows. Oh well.

 

THE BIG SCREEN.

-”Captain Phillips”, with Tom Hanks gets 4-stars from Richard Roeper.

We didn’t need that, as the previews got our attention and we decided we’d see it when it was released. It involves the actual capture of the freighter, Maersk Alabama, underway under the U.S. flag, by Somali pirates in 2009; its captain, Phillips; what he does to safeguard his crew and then what was done by the U.S. Navy and Seal Team 6, to rescue him/them.

 

I recall watching and reading about this and what those SEAL-snipers did to effect his release. Folks, all anyone needs do is take a rifle and try to hit a target tacked up on a board, from a shooting bench at 100-yards. Then imagine being on he fantail of a ship, pitching, rolling and yawing; trying to hit a target the size of a man’s head…which is what it was; in a boat which was also, pitching, rolling and yawing. I for one, am glad we have these good-guy bad-asses on our side.

 

Back to the film, I’ll give you a review once I’ve seen it but Roeper’s assertion that this is Hanks’ best performance since “Castaway”, is enough for me, in that I own that DVD.

 

YOU GOTTA BE EFFIN’ KIDDIN’ ME!

-In a featured item in t’day’s S-T, “No More Boring Dates”, the following are suggested as alternatives to the more mundane - read that, boring -, dates. Ready? Hold on to your butts, guys! Here they come! “French Pastry lessons” Nope? Not your brand of single-malt? Then how ’bout, “Candlelight yoga”? There’s also perfume-making and/or coffee tasting. See, guys? These completely interesting, not-at-all…nope, not a’tall, at all, activities are there just for you and your significant other.

This doesn’t happen to moi very often but with stuff like THIS out there, I feel a sense of envy towards single-guys.

 

AND NOW…SPORT

DaBEARS Win!

-Moi may be the only person reading this unhappy with the outcome of last night’s game, in that it gives the Bears a larger lead over my Packers. That said, despite still having to work out wrinkles in their new offense; the loss of Peanut Tillman and their two, starting DTs, they prevailed over Joe’s nemesis, the GnatBirnbaums, 27-21. Tim Jenning’s ‘pick-6′, as well as his pick with the Gnats on the march towards a D with 2-minutes left at DaBears’ 20, cinched the game.

 

Pardon me but I have to say that watching Jennings trying to bring down the Gnats’ 265#-Brandon Jacobs by hanging on to his leg was rather reminiscent of Jeff Van Gundy’s being dragged along by then, Miami Heat center, Alonzo Mourning. Pretty funny, actually.

 

Brandon Marshall got his wish and had many a-ball thrown his way, of which he converted two into TDs. While their passing game has improved by leaps and bounds, they do need to get the ball to Matt Forte more often. He is a true talent and almost made-to-order for the West Coast offense.

 

-Not going into much about the game as most of you who had any interest, watched it, which leads moi to this.

 

WHY THE BEARS SHOULD BE RUN OUT OF TOWN ON A RAIL IF THEY DO NOT WIN THE SFC NORTH.

-Cutler has no excuses. They added The Black Unicorn, who is a big-target-TE, who unlike his equally-large predecessors, can catch the ball…and run, even. Plus, Alshon, Marshall and Bennett are, actually, SFC-level receivers.

 

-The O-Line. That he’s one of the least-sacked QBs in the Commune speaks volumes.

 

-Forte’s only focus is on playing football. No contract hassles to cloud his thoughts.

 

-Besides Cutler, a YUGE number of guys in “walk” years of their contracts. Stay or go; they want their best to show.

 

-They lead Detroyit, which has a history of implosion…AND…my Packehs.

 

-After their loss to the Saints last Sunday, October 6th, they played last night; then have 10-days off before travelling to Washington to play the 1-3 ‘Skins; then have their BYE week, before traveling to meet my guys in Green Bay on November 4th. Folks, that amounts to…get ready, here it comes…playing on three days rest; then playing their next two games on 10 and 14-days rest…with the Novemebr 8th gane at Green Bay, on Monday night.

 

That’s almost unheard of in the Commune. They’re going to get so much time for R&R, it’s not funny. If they do not make hay while that sun shines, they should be pilloried.

 

THURSDAY GAMES

-Before any of you, T-Tom, say it’s because the Bears won last night, permit me to disabuse any and all of that notion.

Going back to the days of one game on Thanksgiving…in Detroit; then growing into Dallas later in the day and now a night game, one thing that is a constant is this. It is established fact that in the SFC, that home teams have a decided advantage. Now toss in the short week for rest and/or preparation  and they have an even more decideder advantage.

 

After losing on Thanksgiving in 1962 to DaLoins, in what was to be their only loss of the season in which they finished, 13-1, my idol St. Vincent Lombardi, told the Commune, he would no longer play on Thanksgiving for that reason.

 

SUNDAY’S GAMES.

-My Packehs are -2-1/2-point road faves (?) in Baltimore. This despite not having Clay Matthews, Jr. What?

 

-Joe’s Jets are 3-point home dogs to the Stillers. What? I’m no Yets! fan but the Stillers suck! At the worst, it should be a Pick ‘em. Oh well. I took the Yets!

 

-Gotta hope the Brwonies can continue their “winning ways” by taking out Detroyit, for moi and Bears fans.

 

-Same for Cammie and Co., hosting DaQueens.

 

-Bill’s Niners are -11, at home; hosting the RedTurds. He’s also hoping for the Txedoes to win a the SheHawks. Doubtful, though I’d love it.

 

THE CHITOWN MARATHON

 

-Yes, ChiTowners, unless you’re in the mood for a run, stay the hell away from the lakefront and its adjacent neighborhoods, Sunday.

 

We are the epicenter for runners and terrorists this weekend. Yahoo!

 

OK, gonna get going. Have some things to do as will be celebrating MBH’s 65th as well as her retirement, tonight. Yabba-dabba-doo!

 

Take care.

 

Have a great weekend and remember, any day we can look down at a rose instead of up at its roots, is a good one.

 

DaBigFatWat

 


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